Sometimes at the end of the day I just need to sit, drink a glass of wine and eat something with chocolate in it. After my girls are tucked in their beds, my hubby is snoring on the couch. I have needed that a lot lately.
My family has been struggling the past two weeks, first with the loss of a pregnancy and then a scare concerning my hubby's compromised arm from his malignant melanoma diagnosis. We both have been to lots of appointments lately, he had to spend the weekend in the hospital. It is just been a lot lately, on top of work, keeping up with the girls and getting dressed, and everything else that keeps our house running.
When I run into times like this in my life, I have to think in my head " it could always be worse". I could have lost my husband 5 and a half years ago, seven months pregnant with Campbell. Which in turn would have meant we would never have created my spitfire sweetheart Lennox Rose. A single mother, a widow at 28...yea that sounds worse. I could have not had the opportunity to carry and deliver two perfectly spectacular girls. Who are so smart, so sweet, simply breathtaking. They fill our lives with so much happiness, songs and laughter I can't imagine what it would be like to not have been able to meet them. I have friends who struggle with infertility, can not carry an baby to term, can not even get pregnant. When I think about this, I have no other way to react than to thank heaven for my girls and my husband. And keep hope that if someone wishes to have a baby ...that they will find a way.
We have family and friends in our life that have reached out and given us a life vest. To remind us to just hang on for right now, soon we will have calm seas again, smooth sailing, with a margarita in our hands. We are thankful for every time our parents and my grand parents watch our girls, play with them and love them while we take care of stuff. And all our friends and family who send me a quick message or card to let us know they are thinking of us. Leave us goodies and wine and a note in the snow. A text message can really break up the day when you are sitting bored in a hospital bed. It is time to hang onto people who show up for us, they are rare gifts that need to be cherished.
In the midst of heartache I need to find a way to continue to be thankful for what I have right at my fingertips, focus on what I have to love and not what I have lost. The time is now to look into my girls' sweet faces, hold their little hands, play candy land one more time, let them give me that check up with their Dr's kit, they will only be this age for this day. Tomorrow they will be a smidge bigger, be doing something new, be one day closer to college. Campbell will be off to school next year, I don't know if I am ready, I have been blessed to be home with her since we brought her home. Lennox and I will probably both cry when she climbs on the bus.
The time is now, tomorrow it will be gone. With pain or joy, it will not last forever, soon it will be gone.
Here is a short recipe that gives me a little mommy time, while I unwind from a nutty, rough, fun, busy, well really any day.
In a coffee mug put two tablespoons butter, three tablespoons flour, 2 tablespoons brown sugar, a smidge of vanilla, and a small handful of chocolate chips, stir it up with a fork...eggless cookie dough, its a cure all, follow up with a glass of pink moscato.
~jess
